The troubled family in Pigs Do Fly’s Painting Churches (from left) Ana Marie Calise.William Mahone and Laura Turnbull (Photos by Carol Kassie)
By Britin Haller
The Church family of Boston, Massachusetts, more specifically the wealthy neighborhood of Beacon Hill, does not put the fun in dysfunctional. This bothersome trio, made up of a shrill domineering wife and mother, a meek and henpecked Walter Mitty-like father, and their put-her-head-in-the-sand ostrich-like daughter, play out their convoluted story from the comfort of their living room in Pigs Do Fly Productions’ play, Painting Churches.
Set in the spring of 1980, Painting Churches takes place over the course of a week. We open on Fanny and her husband Gardner who are packing up their home, well, Fanny is packing up their home. Gardner is working in his office on something of some sort, which we know because we hear him typing. They are in the midst of downsizing a lifetime of possessions for their move to Cape Cod, and are waiting for their artistic daughter, Margaret (Mags), to arrive to assist.
Only Mags has another idea entirely, and before you can say “Grant Wood,” she has whipped out a canvas, some paint, and some brushes, hung a backdrop from the ceiling, and is going to town on a portrait of “Mommy” and “Daddy.” An adorable bit involves Fanny and Gardner teasing Mags with ideas on how they should pose for their portrait, including recreating the famous paintings American Gothic, The Creation of Adam, and The Pietà. But Fanny’s excitement wanes rapidly when she becomes bored of the work involved with sitting still so long. “It’s like Chinese water torture,” she whines.
It’s all downhill from there, because before long, long-buried hurts and traumas rear their ugly heads, and a family held together by nothing more than a flimsy string begins to unravel.
Ana Marie Calise is Mags, whose smile and bubbly nature masks tremendous pain and suffering, as being back in the home she grew up in conjures up memories of a miserable childhood with an uncaring cruel mother. Calise is believable as the grown woman whose mom still treats her like a baby. Her monologue about crayons (with parental interjections) is especially horrifying.
William Mahone is Gardner, a lovely man who wears red suspenders and bowties and looks like a cross between Fred Astaire and popcorn king Orville Redenbacher. Gardner was once a Pulitzer Prize-winning poet, and a Kennedy Center honoree, but now sits in his study for hours on end composing what can only be compared to Jack Nicholson’s manuscript in The Shining. In other words, not much. Mahone’s portrayal of a fragile man fighting for his dignity in his own home is heartbreaking, and yet we could listen to him reciting poetry all day long.
Laura Turnbull
As Mag’s Mommie Dearest Fanny, Laura Turnbull proves why she is one of South Florida’s most in-demand go-to actors. We are already sick of Fanny in the first few seconds, and that feeling doesn’t get any better as she continually harps on her husband’s frailties, and her daughter’s looks.
Fanny is a shrew who is constantly berating her daughter for something which likely caused an eating disorder in Mags when she was younger. Fanny doesn’t like Mags’s new hairdo and choice of color which looks perfectly fine to us. Fanny tells Mags she looks like something the cat dragged in, and calls Mag’s attire “shabby,” even though we think it’s shabby chic. Fanny tells Mags not to fill up on snacks because she’ll spoil her dinner and lectures her not to get crumbs on the floor, and then in the next second, Fanny is eating crackers and getting crumbs on the floor herself. Do what I say, not what I do. The ultimate hypocrite.
Fanny resents her once extremely successful husband because he can no longer lecture or bring in income, and he’s deaf as an adder, preferring to spend his time alone with his typewriter and his parakeet, Toots. It doesn’t go over our heads that Fanny is obsessed with the value of her silver tea set, and Paul Revere teaspoons, and then throws a signed first edition Robert Frost book on the floor, along with a multitude of others that are likely of high value as well, because they are Gardner’s prized possessions, and not hers.
There’s a lot of drinking going on. Fanny Church seems like someone who would explain it away with “Well, it’s five o’clock somewhere.”
But there was love there once, wasn’t there? In the beginning, Gardner wooed her with his poetry reading, and they shared wonderful moments like the day they went sexy sledding. And couldn’t there possibly be love there again because somehow in the course of about a minute of dialogue, we realize perhaps Fanny deserves a medal of honor, instead of a whipping.
As quickly as you can say, “I hate this woman with the passion of a thousand suns,” Laura Turnbull gives us Fanny’s side of the story, and our perception shifts so abruptly, we wonder if all of our lives are a lie. Are there people in our own world who we really don’t see? How could we be so wrong?
There’s a fourth character who appears fleetingly and must be appreciated. Clad in coveralls and with a bandana on his head, Assistant Stage Manager Om Jae gives it his all during scene changes to Scenic Designer Ardean Landhuis’ cozy living room set. With classical music playing in the background, Jae takes his time removing and placing each item with great care, then surveys and approves of his work by either giving it a nod, or raising a glass to himself in self-appreciation of a job well-done. This also cleverly signals Production Stage Manager Larry Buzzeo that the show can go on. Buzzeo has a lot of cues to stay on top of thanks to Sound Designer David Hart’s sound effects and Lighting Designer/TD Preston Bircher’s ambiance.
Painting Churches is loud. Anyone with a sensory or panic disorder should think twice about attending as it can certainly push all your buttons. Several times, Fanny drops a stack of books on the floor resulting in a gun-shot like noise, and her shrill voice can be grating especially when she yoo-hoos. And Mags uses a hammer.
Playwright Tina Howe’s Painting Churches opened off-Broadway in 1983, successfully ran for almost 250 performances, and was a drama finalist for a 1984 Pulitzer Prize. Television jumped on board in 1986 with an American Playhouse broadcast starring Sada Thompson who was hot off her popular run as the matriarch in ABC’s Family series, and also in 1993’s The Portrait with Gregory Peck and Lauren Bacall, the latter now available to rent on both Amazon Prime and Apple TV. A 2012 off-Broadway revival starred interestingly enough, Kate Turnbull as Mags. No relation to Laura that we can find.
In the end, Mags finally finishes her portrait of her parents, and magically, it’s as if everything will somehow be okay if they just like her painting. But after all that, would it have killed them to show us the finished piece? We do get a tiny glimpse as Gardner turns it around, and it looks nice enough. It’s in the script this way though, so who are we to argue?
Director Deborah Kondelik, who also served as the props designer and costume coordinator, is to be admired for molding all the pieces that don’t appear to fit on the surface into a lovely character study of three trauma-bonded people who are constantly hurting each other, but are tied together, through thick and thin, until the very end. And was there ever a more symbolic sound than the honk of the car coming to take them to their new home?
In the end, don’t expect a resolution tied up in a nice pretty bow, rather the best we can hope for is that Toots the parakeet makes it through unscathed. Hint, he does.
Britin Haller is a mystery author and an editor for Turner Publishing. Her latest short story “So Many Shores in Crookland” can be read in the 150th issue of Black Cat Weekly. Britin’s latest edit, a cozy mystery novel called Dumpster Dying is by Michelle Bennington and available where books are sold. Find Britin across social media.
Painting Churches from Pigs Do Fly Productions plays through May 4 at Empire Stage, 1140 N. Flagler Drive, Ft. Lauderdale (two blocks north of Sunrise, east of the railroad tracks); 8 p.m. Fridays; 5 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. Running time approx. 125 minutes with a 15-minute intermission. Tickets $45, or mention the code LOVE for $6 off. Call 954-678-1496, or visit pigsdoflyproductions.com.
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